"Tired and Emotional Athletic" whose name had been changed to "The Blacksmith" following her Uri Gellar front door key, bending skills was now "Prepared United" due to another u-turn in her behaviour.
Gone were the comments of "I'll wake you when the contractions start!" to "I reckon we'll be coaxing him out with a Pessary and a Chicken Jalfrezi in July!"
Every day this week when "Same bedtime as his kids Athletico" came back from work he was greeted by the sight of another member of his wife's pit team being briefed about the specifics of their role if and when she went into labour.
"Okay so if I go into labour on Tuesday going into Wednesday morning you'll need to get here a bit earlier as William has to be at nursery for 9 and needs to be really encouraged to have a wee ideally a poo. Grace will need an extra 5 minutes to come to terms with the fact that it's Wednesday and therefore school dinners not pack lunch!"
Fidgety legs United and Asleep within seconds Town were both blissfully unaware of the detailed planning going on around them.As long as they were allowed to fill up water pistols up and sprinkle drying towels they were happy to accept any changes made to their routine.
Tuesday into Wednesday and the house resembled a midnight performance of an amateur dramatic farce. Instead of maids and Vicars exiting and entering stage left and right we had a grumpy half naked dad coming down the stairs centre stage and an emotional mother, dressed in preparation for an Arctic Winter approaching stage right. The 3 year old lead protagonist directed the whole production from the comfort of his bed.
"I want more milk!"
"I've done a pooh!"
"I want more milk!"
I've lost my dragon!"
"I want more milk!"
"I need a wee!"
Once I had got my wife some milk and helped her find her dragon I did the same for my son.
"To have and to hold.
For richer and poorer
"To assist in the midnight finding of dragons?"
At 1am Fidgety Legs United woke to tell us, in repetitive detail, about a scary dream involving a sister eating monster.
At 2am Fidgety Legs United demanded more milk and was still quite concerned about sister eating monsters.
At 3am he woke us with coughing that hinted it could be the warm up act for something far more impressive.
At 4am he threw up all the milk and a bit extra that he'd been shouting at us for since 1am.
Everyone had been partially or fully awake from at least 2-4am. It was a very, not funny at all, game of family bed swapping. When the accompanying music of a child coughing and vomiting stopped I was trying to get some sleep in a bed designed for a child.
Every time I tried to stretch out my foot was thrust into the plastic Barbie salon and nail bar.
Wednesday into Thursday and "Asleep within seconds Albion" showed definite signs of whatever bug "Fidgety legs United had kept the house awake with the night before. Forget temperatures if our children has what smells like "cat food breath" it means a bug is inbound.
Galleria Proxima Generacion
Chica al reves
Felt pens on yellow A4 paper. Artwork retrieved from inside the literary classic "Floppy's bath" put on the fridge underneath the, what we forgot on the big shop order and need to buy, black board.
21.0cm X 29.7cm
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